Traditions

I can't bring myself to closely monitor the baseball off-season. Nothing happens that I can't learn by spending five minutes skimming over an offseason summary and preseason preview. (Although, occasionally my fact checkers have informed me that certain left-handed relief pitchers are no longer members of the Twins roster). By this point of winter, I start wanting baseball back- no matter how much I expect the Twins to disappoint. Is "expected disappointment" an oxymoron?

I'm told that my reader enjoyed last season's "Airing of Grievances." Today is Festivus, and I thought there would be no better way to switch from 2009 to 2010 with what will be the second annual airing of grievances. I think I still need to name my All Metrodome outfield.

I don't know where to begin the grievances, so I'll start with the obvious: Who tries to score from second base on a grounder to the shortstop? There's only one infielder in the league who could possibly mess up that play. And what am I going to do about all of the pitchers?