Jim Thome

Apparently, the Twins have signed veteran slugger Jim Thome. First, I thought, "He originally played third base for Cleveland." Next, I wondered, "Where's Rick Reed these days?" Seen in the proper context, this is a great move for the Twins. I have not read much of the hype, but I hope the organization is not trying to claim (or even imply) that he will play everyday and drive in 100 RBI's. Think of Jim Thome as upgrading from Mike Redmond. He's a mostly worthless benchwarmer at the end of his career that you just can't help but love. Even with too many pitchers, they resorted to such stiffs as Brian Buscher to fill bench spots last season. What does it hurt to have Thome? If nothing else, he provides manager Ron Gardenhire a veteran option to run the bases in late innings if he wants somebody experienced enough to know to stop at third on a grounder to the shortstop.

How can you not love Jim Thome? This is the player, who when asked about becoming the Cleveland Indians all-time home-run leader, responded, "The best part is that I did it all with the same team." My friends at baseballreference.com tell me that he made his debut against the 1991 Minnesota Twins. That has to mean something. I'll never forget when the 2002 Twins beat the Indians 23-2 with Thome doing his best by adding 2 solo home runs. My fact-checker is on vacation this week, but wasn't it Thome who hit the shot to eliminate the 2008 Twins? I'm excited!

The Vikings

Today, I skimmed over an article regarding the Vikings victory over the Cowboys. The story mentioned that this will be the first NFC Championship series for the Vikings in 9 years. That sounded like a long time. Then I remembered that the last time the Vikings played in the NFC Championship was almost 10 years after the Twins last won a World Series and less than two years before the last time the Twins reached the ALCS. Those were both good eras for the Twins, but it's time for somebody drag the trophy behind his car in the Target Field parking lot.

Apparently Mike Redmond has signed with the Indians. In the one game playoff with the Indians, will somebody remind Gardy to bring the infield in when facing Redmond in the 9th?

They signed some pitcher today, too. I'm sorry, but I just can't get excited enough to have anything to say about him.

Bill Smith

Considering I will repeat most of my grievances from last year, Bill Smith seems the perfect opening target. I believe in the "addition by subtraction" theory to building a baseball team. It's not about who you get in the off-season, but who you get rid of. Last year, he failed to remove Nick Punto from the Twins roster. Then every day thereafter, he decided not to designate the infielder for assignment or buy out his contract. Think about it. In the scope of the Twins payroll, $4 million a year to keep him from trying to score from second on a grounder to short is a pretty good use of money. A few players will be gone, but can you really credit the GM for Bonser? He hurt himself last year, so it's no different. Who else is gone? I'm not even sure. But why should we expect a mediocre roster from 2009 to do anything other than win 86 games in 2010? The Twins Propaganda Machine will try the "more experienced" argument. Didn't they try that last season? If more faces change among the minor role players change, it's much easier as a fan to delude myself that this year they might have a chance. Bring in a Butch Huskey or Jeff Cirillo. I just need a few more players that I don't hate yet. That shortstop we got from the Brewers doesn't quite satisfy that.

Traditions

I can't bring myself to closely monitor the baseball off-season. Nothing happens that I can't learn by spending five minutes skimming over an offseason summary and preseason preview. (Although, occasionally my fact checkers have informed me that certain left-handed relief pitchers are no longer members of the Twins roster). By this point of winter, I start wanting baseball back- no matter how much I expect the Twins to disappoint. Is "expected disappointment" an oxymoron?

I'm told that my reader enjoyed last season's "Airing of Grievances." Today is Festivus, and I thought there would be no better way to switch from 2009 to 2010 with what will be the second annual airing of grievances. I think I still need to name my All Metrodome outfield.

I don't know where to begin the grievances, so I'll start with the obvious: Who tries to score from second base on a grounder to the shortstop? There's only one infielder in the league who could possibly mess up that play. And what am I going to do about all of the pitchers?

Pinto

Yesterday, during a conversation with two friends, we realized that collectively, the three of us had attempted something eight times but succeeded only once. I remarked that our rate of success qualifies us to play infield for the Twins. One of the others, who does not follow baseball closely, responded, "You're referring to somebody in particular. Just a second. I'll think of the... PINTO! Is it Pinto?" I had intended for my comment to apply to Buscher, Tolbert, and Casilla as well, but the characterization of the piranha as a sub-compact car with no rear fender and a gas tank prone to explosions struck me.

Meanwhile, rumors and suggestions fly about potential free agent moves during the off season. I expect to see Chone Figgins playing third for the Twins next year. The Twins certainly know that fans lost patience with the instability at the hot corner a few seasons ago. The signing of a big-name player symbolically shows fans the organization's commitment to building a winner, while maintaining the traditional Twins image because "he plays our style of baseball."

He will likely flounder in a Twins uniform; he has hit for respectable average, but his game is primarily speed and defense. Similar players for the Angels- Izturis and Aybar- have had similar numbers. Similar players for the Twins have flirted with the Mendoza line. I doubt there can be much difference between Twins speedy infielders and those for the Angels. That leads me to wonder about quality of coaching for the Twins. It may take the Twins a few months to do the damage, but even at career year he'd be way too expensive- which is exactly why I expect it to happen. The Twins best hope is that the Mets outbid for him like the Lions did with Scott Mitchell. I suppose at the very least, he knows not to try to score from second on a grounder to short.

Hindsight

I wish I were disappointed at the news that the Twins traded outfielder Carlos Gomez to the Brewers for shortstop JJ Hardy. Instead, I immediately thought, "This might mean they'll keep Delmon Young." That's a fitting follow-up to, "At least they got more for Garza than Johan."

Many Twins followers had wanted the outfielder to spend the season in AAA. I do not recall arguing a strong position for or against the option, but in hindsight, it clearly was the right thing to do. A dime-a-dozen Jason Tyner type could have done as much for the Twins in 2009 as Gomez and regular at bats and focused coaching in Rochester may have helped to transform Gomez from the bad halves of Pedro Cerrano and Willie Mays Hays to their respective good sides. The move ultimately doesn't mean a whole lot, and still fails to address the top priority for the Twins this offseason.

The article in the Star and Tribune includes a disappointing, albeit unsurprising, description of offseason plans for the Twins. "Smith didn’t rule out pursuing a second or third baseman but noted manager Ron Gardenhire’s preference to have Nick Punto in the lineup." I'm going to take the positive interpretation of this. Smith has realized that if Punto is on the roster, Gardy will play him. If Smith realizes this, that means he knows how simple it is to solve the Punto problem. Get rid of him. Even if this befuddles Gardy so badly when he's filling out the lineup card that they end up with Matt Tolbert in centerfield, no DH, and Kevin Slowey batting fifth, it's worth it.

When I broke the news of the trade to my 86-year-old neighbor, he said it best. "They already have a shortstop who can hit .225." At least this one won't try to score from second on a grounder to short.

OLERUD BREAKS FOR THIRD!!!

For those who are following on television instead of the radio, here's what you just missed:

"... PUNTO'S GOING TO TRY TO SCORE!!! JETER! AND BACK TO THIRD... OHHHHHHHHHHH, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Argh.